1. Babies do not poop in one neat spot. The odds are 110003932432 to 1 that you are going to touch baby poo with your bare hands. Just accept it. There is not a 100% foolproof diaper in existence that can contain every single bit of a new babies’ poo.
2. There are reasons that people with young children have a package of wipes in one size or another in every vehicle and bag they own, and probably one in many rooms in their home. (See #1)
3. Whenever you start a sentence with “I’m never going to (insert whatever here)…” or “We’re never going to (insert that same whatever here)…,” fully expect most veteran parents within earshot (or who see it if in writing) will snicker, roll their eyes or laugh at you. It isn’t that they don’t find it cute…it’s just that until you have lived through some of the things you think you will never do…most of us find that a lot of the “nevers” turned into “I/We did that.”
4. Babies are on a mission. Sure, they are cute, they make adorable noises and their heads have the most awesome smell in the world. But under all that adorable cuteness lies a tiny being determined to never let you sleep again. Oh sure, they’ll throw you a bone now and then- maybe its a few hours in a row, or sleeping through the night- but don’t be fooled. They lull you into a false sense of security and then…just when you think “ok! I am sleeping again!” they change all of their sleeping habits. Often, they will celebrate this occasion and their victory by revisiting item #1 on this list.
5. There’s a rumor circulating around that riding in the car can calm or soothe a baby. This may happen on occasion, but…as mentioned in #4, it’s only to lull you into a false sense of security. Most babies, including my own, view the car as a torture device. They may start screaming before get into the carseat.
What else do you think people don’t tell about having a baby?