Or at least not anytime soon.
Step 1: Mow lawn. You can do a little or a lot. Be real, though. I mean, you don’t want to make it obvious or anything.
Step 2: Clog up the pipe-y, tube-y thingy that tunnels the grass clippings into the bagger um…well, bags.
Step 3: Seek out your spouse, and have him (or her) unclog the tube-y, pipe-y thingy.
Step 4: Continue mowing, careful not to miss too many spots (no one is perfect)
Step 5: Be sure to go really close around the blueberry bushes. Get really close to make sure you get a nice, clean trim.
And here’s where you ensure that you will never, not ever, drive the tractor again to mow the lawn.
Step 6: Catch one little tiny bit of the blueberry netting in the mower. Apparently, it doesn’t matter how little or how much of it you catch in the mower.
Step 8 : Run, don’t walk, to the beer store.
Step 9: Grab your camera and photograph your handiwork.
Step 10: As your spouse is repairing the mowing deck and untangling the blueberry netting, instead of patting yourself on the back while he’s trying to not curse you out for doing this on mower blades that were ONLY replaced the day before…try just handing him a fresh, cold beer (or his beverage of choice) and apologize profusely.
Step 11: Later, when the netting is removed from the mower deck, and the kids are in bed…then it might be ok to say “So, didn’t I do a good job with the lawn today?”
And duck. Pillows may fly in your direction.
I guess I can’t count on a career in landscaping or lawn care to fall back on. Sigh.