How to ensure you will never, ever mow the lawn again.

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Or at least not anytime soon. 

Step 1: Mow lawn.  You can do a little or a lot.  Be real, though.  I mean, you don’t want to make it obvious or anything.

Step 2: Clog up the pipe-y, tube-y thingy that tunnels the grass clippings into the bagger um…well, bags. 

Step 3: Seek out your spouse, and have him (or her) unclog the tube-y, pipe-y thingy. 

Step 4: Continue mowing, careful not to miss too many spots (no one is perfect)

Step 5: Be sure to go really close around the blueberry bushes.  Get really close to make sure you get a nice, clean trim.

And here’s where you ensure that you will never, not ever, drive the tractor again to mow the lawn.

Step 6: Catch one little tiny bit of the blueberry netting in the mower.  Apparently, it doesn’t matter how little or how much of it you catch in the mower.

Step 7: Gasp and Exclaim “OH S&^%!!”

Step 8 : Run, don’t walk, to the beer store. 

Step 9: Grab your camera and photograph your handiwork. 

Step 10: As your spouse is repairing the mowing deck and untangling the blueberry netting, instead of patting yourself on the back while he’s trying to not curse you out for doing this on mower blades that were ONLY replaced the day before…try just handing him a fresh, cold beer (or his beverage of choice) and apologize profusely. 

You can see bits of the netting in under the yellow mower deck. Between the wheels is the green edging of the netting.

Step 11: Later, when the netting is removed from the mower deck, and the kids are in bed…then it might be ok to say “So, didn’t I do a good job with the lawn today?”

And duck.  Pillows may fly in your direction. 

I guess I can’t count on a career in landscaping or lawn care to fall back on.  Sigh.

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About the author: I’m a 30-something mom to three, brand ambassador. content creator, social media maven, blogger extraordinaire, earth lover, butcher, baker, candlestick maker (or something along those lines) – love word games, crafting, cake decorating or shooting pictures.

13 comments… add one

  • Brilliant. Will add to my repertoire. Thanks.

    Reply
  • ha ha ha – oh my goodness – this is PRICELESS! :) I tried to mow our lawn once with the manual push mower (you know the eco-friendly human powered kind?). I did about 5 strips on the front lawn and then just went inside. My husband was not thrilled to see our hacked up half-done lawn when he came home. But he’s never asked me to mow again! He also never asks me to paint, but that’s another story!

    Reply
  • So that’s how its done-congratulations. I love this, you made my Sunday! Now off to discover what else I can NOT have to do….

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  • That is hilarious! I probably wouldn’t be able to drive one of those things either – But I actually like mowing the lawn!

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  • LOL!!!! Thats hilarious. Ive heard of men burning food, washing clothes in bleach and even OOPS… breaking your favorite glass while washing it just so hes never asked to do those things again. So im thrilled a woman has caught onto this sham and pulled one of her own! HA! High five girl !!!

    Reply
  • LOL… my husband will never let me now the lawn for reasons similar to that :)

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  • Too funny! Thanks for the laugh!

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  • Oh my, LOL…Maybe that’s why my son does the mowing ;)
    btw I joined gfc guess I forgot last time. Sent by LOL&C

    Reply
  • oh my..I had my hubby read this, this is very close to as why I don’t get to mow the lawn anymore.. :-)

    Reply
  • you are very clever. This would never work for me because i am pickier about the lawn then my husband is.

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  • That is awesome – reminds me of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when he tries to get out of doing house work by doing it absolutely terrible…and then Robby rats him out and Deborah flips out! LOL

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  • GFC follower (allysmama) Stopped by from LOL&C

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  • You poor thing. At least the blueberry bush is ok!

    Reply

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